“Are you actually leaving?”
“I am. My flight’s next week Shahri.” Her eyes sparkled when she answered me. I wanted to say ‘don’t leave me rotting in this suffocating place’. But I couldn’t. That sparkle, that damned light in her eyes made my mind go mute. How can I bear to stop her when she looks at me as if leaving would save her soul? Maybe it will. This crumbling place doesn’t deserve her. So even though it meant I would be losing my best friend, I smiled and hugged her wishing time to come to a halt.
***
Amina glanced at me one last time before she made her way to the awaiting car. I wanted to go to the airport with her so bad. But I might have done something stupid at the last moment; for example, hide her passport! So, to resist such urges, I decided to say goodbye to my best friend and neighbor of 8 years in the middle of our parking lot. A part of me thought this would hurt less, but as a lone, stubborn teardrop made its way to my lips, I knew the poets were right- goodbyes were never easy.
A week went by since Amina left. Sometimes I would stare at my wall, which we had decorated together last summer, for hours. My sleeping patterns went from healthy to disruptive in a few days. If someone saw me then they would probably assume I lost the love pf my life and not my best friend. But they would never understand the dept of our friendship. The consuming pain I felt because I couldn’t tell her a ridicules story about what my cat did today. Sure, we texted every day. But it was not the same. It would never be the same as having her in the same room. I had made peace with this revelation the very day she told me she was going abroad to study. The idea was heart-wrenching but it was reality. Therefore, I was alright. Well, as alright as one could be at least.
It was two weeks after Amina left. I spent the whole night twisting and turning. Sleep and peace both seemed to escape me. Why I felt so anxious was beyond me. It was 3 a.m. when my phone rang. A visual of a nineteen-year old girl baring her spotless white teeth graced me. I quickly pressed the answer button and brought the phone to my ear. A sobbing mess was all that could be heard. I tried to console the person on the other end but her restless breathing would not slow down. It started making me anxious too.
“Amina stop crying and tell me what’s up please?” I begged. If she went on any longer, I would definitely lose my mind. At last, after what seemed like a very long five minutes, she stopped her wailing.
“I miss home. Why did I think I could live alone Shahri?” I wanted to laugh a bit because my ever so adventurous best friend was crying at 3 a.m. due to being homesick. But I thought better of it. And so, I sighed and went into my elaborate speech.
“Amina you thought you could live alone because you’ve always wanted to experience that level of independence. I know you’re scared to be in a new country. But trust me, you will be fine. And before you start questioning if leaving was a good option, I will have to stop you right there. This suffocating mess of a place does not deserve you or your ambitions. So, stop second guessing yourself. Crying once in a while or breaking down sometimes is not necessarily the end of the world. It’s healthy.”
Even though she replied with an ‘okay’ and ‘yes I know’, I’m not sure how much of my talk got through to her. But during the whole theatrical situation, I realized something very important. Even though things won’t ever be the same because of the ocean and the distance and everything in between, it would not necessarily be bad. We won’t be able to have breakfast together every morning, but we were still each other’s confidant. That, would never change.
Anindita Islam
Staff Writer